Is This Regret?

If you’d meant it
When you said
You weren’t gonna run away.
Maybe we’d be sleeping over
Sometimes, by now.
Not all the time
Cause I need a lot of space–
A lot more than I asked for.
In fact, if I had only
Asked for more space,
Maybe none of this
Would have happened…
Would you be here right now?
Sound asleep…
Would I still be up
From my PTSD
Or would I hold onto you
And drift back off?
Would we go to the fair?
Cause I love the fair,
And we already missed the fireworks,
And now we’re missing the fair, too.
Maybe you’re not,
Maybe you’ve already moved on,
And went with someone else,
And were happier with her.
But what if we
Had forgiven each other
What if we
Had more empathy
What if you believed
That I was sorry
What if it mattered?
What if we could hug again
Start to fall in love again
What if I could calm my anxiety
And quit pushing you away
What if I could quit over thinking
Every single thing?
What if you could just
Stay with me anyway?
I heard you tell someone
I’m not a good person
Cause I made a few mistakes
I know I’m not perfect
But my feelings for you
Never actually changed
How could you
Not feel the same way?
Go from hot to cold
In the very same day?
What if we
Were out in the wilderness
Where we could see all the stars
During the super moon?
What if we
Tried those new restaurants
And loved them?
What if we were on our way
To Yosemite?
How can you think of me
And not ask yourself
What if
What if
What if?

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