Truth Hurts

I wish I could honor my own feelings
As easily as you can with yours.
I hate the way you cut me off,
But maybe you’re just better at protecting yourself
Than I could ever hope to be.
Well, I decided
I’m allowed to love you anyway
And I know love is a strong word
But it’s not my fault
That English has so few words
Pour l’amour.
So even though
We turned out to be a tragedy
Even though you hate me
And I’m not allowed to miss you
I still miss you, anyway.
I guess you’re right,
I guess I’m crazy…
That’s fine.
Plenty of crazy women
Have boyfriends who love them
It’s not so insane
To have wished that
From you
Especially because
I would have loved you, too
I know I’m slow to warm up
I know I have a lot to learn
But give me a break…
You’re older than me, anyway…
I’m not stubborn
Or the type to refuse
To apologize or change
And doesn’t that matter?
It matters a lot to me…
But in my imagination
We can still be
Happy
And in my dreams
You can still hold me
We can do all the things
And be everything
We talked about being…
The karma feels unfair.
I’ve given clean slates
To so many men
For so much more
Cruel offenses
For things
I would never do to you…
I’m loyal, I trusted you,
Watching you throw it away
Kind of hurts the same
As when I was a broke waitress
Throwing away barely eaten
Hundred dollar steaks…
How can you just waste us?
You can throw us away
But I know we were something worth saving.
There were so many things
I was looking forward to doing
With you….
And now I’m dead to you,
Like you killed me
To punish me
For being depressed?
I sincerely believed
You would be here for me
I was shocked by the switch
I’m still shocked by it
You are the cause and cure of my pain
But you’re withholding the cure…
As an almost nurse…
That’s so hard for me
To wrap my head around.

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