The Ex Waitress

My boss came up behind me and asked, “Did you hear what happened?” I was standing in the door between the kitchen and dining room, surveying my tables. It was clear that something was up, by the way people were whispering to each other. “No– did someone die?” “It was Jessica,” she said. “She killed…

Georgia Eyes

When you look at meMy heart oozesPoetry Piercing blue Might slice throughAnyone elseBut not meCause I’m notAfraid, likeThe saints are Blue plus greenWhen your eyesLand on mineSapphire andEmeraldWorn down rocksTime compressed Someone screamsOur eyes lockBoth triggeredSearching forA safe spaceEmpathyTrauma bond AttractedWe refrainI’d ratherFeel like thisProtectedIn your gazeThan conquered I asked him, does it bother you…

12 Mile Hike and Bald Eagle Sighting

Since I hiked six miles on Saturday, I felt the need to hike twice as many on Sunday. I’m seeing the chiropractor on Wednesday, so may as well strain my body as much as possible before then, right? Seen above: A bald eagle. Male or female, I do not know. I think both are actually…

Criminal Cheese

There’s a man buying cheeseFrom the cheap bulk aisleIn the grocery storeAnd he hasn’t even noticed meBut I’ve been staring him downFixated on him, can’t look away There’s a man choosing cheeseIn a blue and grey hoodieBlonde hair, mostly salty nowGlasses, goatee grown outIf I cared about my safetyI’d walk the other way A wolf…

Mega Trigger

I was out for a walk, on a late night chocolate run. You know how it goes when Aunt Ruby comes to town. Walking home with my peppermint chocolate and dark chocolate covered cherries, and I suddenly just realize I’m being stared at. I look up, and there is a running white truck straight up…

Muertos

Is it selfish to talk openly about our pain, grief, and mental health struggles? This question has been on my mind for weeks, at least. Yesterday morning, when I woke up, the first thing I did was get on WordPress. After weeks of having difficulty interacting with other people, I was feeling eager to read…

PTSD and Resilience

“At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.” -Frida Kahlo Frida is my favorite artist, hands-down. It seems like most people who I mention her to have never even heard of her. At best, they may have her of her husband, Diego Rivera. When Frida realized Diego…

Give and Take (blog post)

One thing that’s hard about blogging, and about life in general, is the fact that I always feel like I need to pretend to be feeling better than I am. I’ve learned the hard way not to share my real feelings candidly. People run away, which I guess makes sense, cause I have PTSD. My…

Obsession

AlonePracticed yogaSwallowed my happy pillsTried acupuncture, therapyAte right DepressedP. T. S. D.There’s no one here with meEveryone says that they love meDo they? AfraidTo go outsideFeels like I’m gonna dieAt least I am safe on my ownIndoors FranticState of panicI don’t feel like myselfMind travels back through timeTriggered FlashbacksThat wasn’t meI said things I don’t…

Quiet

Do you wanna know why IDon’t talk about it? When I tell people the reasonI have PTSDThey stare with gaping eyes likeI’m a Hollywood movie scene It feels like they care moreAbout the storyThan they careAbout me Do you Wanna know the deets?Is my story juicy?Gossip worthy?Which parts are my fault?And how much did I…