Depressive Episode

I’m taking a mini break from writing for a few days or so. (This post doesn’t count.) I want to catch up on reading posts before writing anything substantial of my own. This might take me a few more days. If you notice me going through a bunch of your posts at once, this is…

Straight Talk on Suicide

I just came across the post Suicidality and Other People‚Äôs Perspective by Ashley Peterson, and have so much to say, I thought I’d better just write my own post. As someone who has been formally diagnosed with CPTSD (and a bunch of other acronyms), chronic suicidality has been a reality for me for more than…

PTSD and Resilience

“At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.” -Frida Kahlo Frida is my favorite artist, hands-down. It seems like most people who I mention her to have never even heard of her. At best, they may have her of her husband, Diego Rivera. When Frida realized Diego…

Give and Take (blog post)

One thing that’s hard about blogging, and about life in general, is the fact that I always feel like I need to pretend to be feeling better than I am. I’ve learned the hard way not to share my real feelings candidly. People run away, which I guess makes sense, cause I have PTSD. My…

Ruins and Confession (Quadrilles)

Ruins I know I canI think you canSo why can’t weMake it work out?What is wrong withMe, why do IWant it to workSo badly when youDon’t love me back?If you did, wouldI sabotage us anyway? Confession Don’t want to admitThe reason it hurtsIs because I thinkIt’s all my faultWe didn’t work because I kind of…

Obsession

AlonePracticed yogaSwallowed my happy pillsTried acupuncture, therapyAte right DepressedP. T. S. D.There’s no one here with meEveryone says that they love meDo they? AfraidTo go outsideFeels like I’m gonna dieAt least I am safe on my ownIndoors FranticState of panicI don’t feel like myselfMind travels back through timeTriggered FlashbacksThat wasn’t meI said things I don’t…

Quiet

Do you wanna know why IDon’t talk about it? When I tell people the reasonI have PTSDThey stare with gaping eyes likeI’m a Hollywood movie scene It feels like they care moreAbout the storyThan they careAbout me Do you Wanna know the deets?Is my story juicy?Gossip worthy?Which parts are my fault?And how much did I…

March

Sipping on some kava teaThinking ’bout bad poetry(Isn’t it all badWhen it comes from me?) Just as wellI feel like I’m under that spellThat we callWriter’s block (make it stop) So much bottled upI wish I could spillBut the words are stuck in my chestPainfully held captive by Heart She says,I can’t share todayI just…

Flashback Friday

Fandango’s Flashback Friday prompt is to re-post something that you posted on or about this time last year. I felt drawn to participate, even though I was not active on WordPress this time last year. Therefore, I’ve turned to one of my fancy hard-covered journals, and dug up a flashback that I wrote about around…

Grip

If this pain doesn’t stopI will call the damn copsAre there even words to expressHow I got into this messAnymore? If no one loves me backI’ll have a heart attackHaven’t I been through enough pain?I don’t want to feel insaneAnymore. Why am I not enough?Don’t I have the right stuff?I tried to do everything rightYou…