Accusations and Anger

Apparently, ruminating thoughts are a symptom of major depressive disorder, which I’ve obviously been diagnosed with on many occasions. I keep ruminating on his accusations. And it’s like, why? Why won’t my brain just let this go? If the tables were turned, I would think I were crazy. So, I guess it makes sense that…

Drowning

Drowning Let’s try approaching it from a different angle. I remember love, before love turned my real life story into something that is indecent to write down. Once upon a time, love murdered me. He grabbed me from my vibrant life, and ripped me apart at the seams. Once I was split, he tried to…

Nice Guys

“You must be drawn to bad men;Nice guys always finish last.”As if not falling for youWas a personal attack. Nice Guy, let me get this straightYou think the only reasonAnyone could dislike youIs because you’re too perfect? Haven’t you ever heard ofIncompatibility Did it occur to you thatMaybe we’re too different? What if I don’t…

Monroe

“You’re so fucking hot;I’ll lick all of your tattoos.” He says, babe, I’ve got them everywhere, From my neck to my ass crack– Are you gonna lick that, too? I stare at my phone, and blush. Well, are you? It is 2022. Everyone’s doing it. I crack up, and tell him I didn’t expect him…

Qualities

What if I took all of the men I’ve dated Lined them up in my mind And blocked out every single thought That was anything but kind? I love how R brings me along when he travels And lets me be alone in foreign cities And all the places we go when we meet back…

Run

“Running shoes,” he comments. “I’m always ready to run,” I reply. He looks taken aback, but he looks like that a lot. As if it’s shocking any time a woman is witty. “That makes sense, considering your past.” I remember this weeks later, as I lace up my “hooker shoes,” Which are what I call…

Fight

Hands on each other, and we lock eyes. This is when he seems to realize That I am stronger than he is. Being unable to threaten me physically He makes the choice To weaponize his voice And he yells, and yells, and yells. And part of me must know That we are fighting And that…

15 Mile Hike

In the name of self-care, but more-so in the name of calming this beast named PTSD, I brought my ass to the hiking trail at the crack of dawn, again. Determined to hike at least 15 miles, again. Before my cousin and I got into our last big fight, I shared one of my secrets…

Lies

All the men tell meThat they’re not gonna leaveAnd every single oneIs just lying through his teeth. All the men think thatThey can handle this diseaseAnd then they run awayThe second I start to bleed. All the men leave meThinking they’re stronger than meWhen they can’t even handleOne day of my eternity. All the men…