Man vs bear

It’s 4am, and it isn’t bears that are keeping me awake. It’s just been such a strange soundscape in the woods tonight. First of all, there were two men making a ton of noise on the dock near my site, when I knew no one was camped over there (and the dock is only for…

Water

My mom and my daughter are both excellent swimmers. It skipped a generation. I’m not terrible. I picked up some basics from my mom. Like her most important advice: don’t fight the tide. By the time I’m five years old, I know the feel of something called an “undertow.” I know what to do when…

Three Wishes

I wish I could write all of the thoughts Worth writing that pass through my Mind and more importantly I wish I could not write the ones That aren’t worth writing but God Gave me neither of those talents Instead I have the power of articulation With no fine tuning, no dial to Turn off…

Crack

My mental health keeps cracking Like I’ll feel almost stable and then CRACK I’m yelling at someone As if I have bipolar Even though I know I don’t My new case manager refers to PTSD as A “reactive” disorder and I keep reacting I think PTSD is as traumatic as addiction Except more because technically…

Too many posts

Too many hard days But what’s funny is Even on the worst days There can be really good moments Like today, discovering a new trail A new sunset view, so much better Than this current moment Of wanting to stop existing Up and down and up and God, for everyone’s sake Like all the mothers…

Accommodation

I need to be able to live in the wilderness, far away from everyone. To have it be silent all the time. But to also get everything I need all the time. I’m shaking and telling myself to calm down. I can’t write what triggered me this bad. I’ve been careful not to. I’m telling…

Wait

When I was waitressing, when I was so broke I couldn’t even afford food, I wanted to take my daughter to this certain state park. We brought peanut butter sandwiches, and parked outside of the park, and walked in, which I thought would be free. I didn’t have any money. I mean, I literally just…

Thank God for weed

I could swear I heard the woman in the boat near me say, “If you want us to go away, then, your plan’s not working.” Okay, that had to be my imagination. Gee, let me see if I can figure out what I recently went through that would make me feel like strangers are interested…

Mother’s Day Tits

It’s mother’s day, and if I can’t be with my daughter, then I want to be alone. So I drove out to this isolated campground, and as I’m setting up my camp, this family on a boat sees me and decides to come hang out in the Ravine by me. It was almost my own…

Vent Eyes Memory

“Who did you piss off?” Asks the Folsom police officer. The question takes me aback. We are standing in front of my best friend’s car, which has four slashed tires, and one broken windshield. “My ex said he was going to do this to my car,” I answer, “So we hid my car in the…