Heartbreak Anniversary

When I was 22, I cheated, sort of. At least, he said I did. Look, I tried as hard as I could. I knew I wasn’t attracted to him… But everyone says not to be shallow And that if you care about someone enough Desire will naturally follow That you can never go wrong If…

Hell

Just your average suicidal Saturday, ruminating on exactly the same things that literally everyone is tired of hearing about. I argue with the crazy. PTSD is just scripts, I tell myself. Just stories. Just stories that the same scary stories will keep repeating themselves…. And then you meet someone who promises to help you write…

Self Care Overload

I may have gone a bit overboard on the self-care this week. I started with the necessary stuff, like skincare products, cleaning supplies, a fridge load of cannabis ginger beer, and a cute little Smoke Buddy. Got myself a whole case of my favorite energy drinks, and a smoker’s candle, all in the name of…

Nauseum

I feel like I’m naturally conflict avoidant. I let things go too easily. I let people get away with too much. And then they try to get away with too much. And then I hold them accountable, and it hurts their feelings. People be like, but, this isn’t fair, I thought I could treat you…

Another Veggie Korma Post

Tomatoes, potatoes, apples, and an onion. My mental health isn’t in the best shape– is it ever??? But, cooking always helps. Tonight, I spent several hours preparing one of my favorite meals: vegetarian korma curry. White cauliflower coated in olive oil and vindaloo curry powder. I broiled this in my air fryer for about 45…

Sorry, Ho

“Sorry,” she texts meAs if she’d been meanBut, sorry could meanA million different things “I had to get paid.”As if getting paidWere an unethical actMeriting guilt “I’ll be back to functioning in a sec”And my stomach churnsAs I realizeWhat she’s implying “I’m so out of it right now”How much of her paycheckGoes towardsLeaving her body?…

Look Alive, Barbie

It’s gotten so darkHere in my heartBut it would be a sinTo turn out my own lights People say it would hurt themIf I hurt meTo stop hurtingSo I keep hurting for them, I guess There are rules, you knowExist exactly enoughFlow like a fountainWith a well-concealed drain No matter how much painYou’re in you…

Spin Pat Spin

Have I inadvertently been saying hi to Pat? I’ve been saying hi to this guy who I thought just happened to look a lot like him. Possibly Pat, if you will. Just like Pat, except, he rides a skateboard. Wait, does Pat ride a skateboard? I actually have no idea. (Look, I am *very* bad…

Going Hard

If I’m scarce on WordPress this week, it’s because I’m going hard against my apartments. Writing a whole book on their negligence, retaliation, etc. They thought they could intimidate me with a bogus lease violation, so, I’m gonna show them how intimidated I’m NOT. It’s about to go down.

False Correlations

My brain is making some interesting false correlations. It’s like I keep thinking that if I just let Ben go, then, I can’t hold anyone else accountable for how they treat me. This is clearly a ridiculous and untrue thought, but I’m struggling with it. Like, I’m thinking that everyone else is thinking that, since…