Hazel

Sixteen years old
Night shift time punch
At McDonald’s
By midnight moon
Hot cook flashed his
Captivating
Smile in break room
Said he loved me
Would stay with me
For all my days….
Sixteen years old

Written for Twiglet #291: All My Days: “A twiglet’s aim is to “prompt” a thought. If something comes to mind, write. A polished piece isn’t the goal; creativity is.”
&
Moonwashed Weekly Challenge: Captivating
&
Tanka Tuesday #284: Specificform: 4-11: a stanza of eleven lines with four syllables per line.
&
Poetics at the Restaurant by dVerse
Photo credits: Unsplash

36 Comments Add yours

  1. Obong eno says:

    Happily ever after 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Nitin Lalit says:

    Kind of heartbreaking. I loved how you wove a love story into the restaurant prompt.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Nitin! Although it is slightly less of a love story now that I revised it– I forgot that the first and last line were supposed to be the same 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Nitin Lalit says:

        I read it again. I kind of like the new version too. Sort of ambiguous. You don’t know if he just said that and went away. Or if he was an sleazy older dude. Or if it’s a happy ending.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Haha, thank you. It’s a mystery! We’ll never know 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  3. rogblog666 says:

    love by moonlight or was it. great poem

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The story of so many lives. I’m hoping she didn’t fall for it…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This one was nearly entirely based on a true story, but don’t worry, he was only a year and a half older than her, they dated for four years, and are still friends 😉

      Like

      1. It was serious then 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. True love or a ruse? I love the ambiguity! Incredibly well done! 💕🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Harmony!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Misky says:

    Nicely done. I reckon at 16-years old we’re still allowed to believe in our dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Very much so. And even at my age I still try to believe in my dreams 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ron. says:

    Night-shifters. Go figure.
    Cool 4-11 & I like how you added an extra syllable to Line 5 (dead center / turn) to give it some smiley ooomph!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ron! And thank you for pointing that out. I haven’t been able to get any syllable counters to work on my computer so far, but I fixed the poem 😀

      Like

  8. Eugenia says:

    Love how you wove your story in a poetic form. Sweet sixteen can be bittersweet! Thank you so much for joining in.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Eugenia ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Eugenia says:

        My pleasure! 💛

        Like

  9. merrildsmith says:

    A story in a few words. Nicely done. Those dreamy days of being sixteen. I hope it stayed a dream and just flirting. 😏

    Liked by 1 person

  10. coalblack says:

    Like so many others, I worked at both burger king and McDonald’s in younger days, and if you’re lucky you really can run into someone wonderful.

    –Shay/Fireblossom

    Like

  11. Rall says:

    Erm this poem could bring out the cynic in a person….glad you are still friends

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Aw, the teen years when everything is amplified! Great poem, Sylvia! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Yvette ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  13. willowdot21 says:

    Love this 💜 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Gwen M. Plano says:

    Real love or not, this is a sweet poem. Bravo! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  15. seanatbogie says:

    Ah, to be 16 again! You took us all there. I will have to read this to my granddaughter Hazel (10 months old) to let her know what is ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Aw, I’m sure she would love that. My daughter used to love being read to at that age, too, although she would try to turn the pages at the wrong time 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. D.L. Finn, Author says:

    Captured a sixteen year old love!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Bravo! What a great story poem! Love it!! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Colleen! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. margaret21 says:

    A whole story in 11 lines! Great. Although does it have a happy-ever-after ending? Who knows?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. well? did he, Sylvia? 😀

    heehee!


    David

    Liked by 1 person

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